The Apple Falls Far from the Tree

There lies a partial explanation as to why students favour foods of a fatty basis rather than foods with a somewhat healthy basis, especially upon the observation of my current university setting, and it has crossed my mind that this is due to the susceptibility of humiliation.

One instantly draws attention to themselves after taking a mere bite from a crispy fresh apple, sending the juices from within it flying onto their peers who are quietly sipping away on their innocent protein shakes, or munching away on their seemingly quiet muesli bars. One panics as they do not wish to continue spraying their peers with natural juices, so one attempts to chew the apple in a way between not looking like they can fit the entire apple and their fist in their mouth, and opening their mouth enough so as to not bite into their inner-lip lining instead. This proves a difficult task, but one proceeds to chew into the apple at varied speeds, with their mouth opened at varied sizes.

But one soon finds that despite their best efforts, their apple crunching either dismantles their peers' thoughts, or the apple juices soak them. One's apple crunching sounds should not be undermined, for they can bring focus of even the most focussed of minds, particularly in the longevity of a literary in-depth discussion of a classic novel. One would assume that they would be spared by the apple and its noisy and messy injustices seeing as one is making a healthy choice by choosing a fruit over preservatives, but one is highly mistaken.

Apples are deceiving beings. They exist not to draw you away from the doctor, but to rather use that force to draw you into humiliation to the point where you feel the need to seek mental help for one, feeling victimised by an apple, two, being able to converse with an apple to the point where it victimises you and three, that you personified an apple so much so that it began to speak in the first place. The apple schemes all of this, and always in this order, so be weary of this mischievous lunchbox snack. It is the one fruit that has the ability to turn you into a fruitcake, and the one fruit that holds the ability to turn you into a vegetable. Be very wary. 

I would suggest before you decide to bring an apple into a classroom setting, that you should remove its sticker of identification as an apple from whatever origin, stripping it of its dignity, and cut it up at home. Yes. Slice into it, slice it into less than a half, slice it into quarters, into eighths, into tenths, twentieths, whatever you can manage. Slice it until it becomes weary and small, so that when you eat it in class it has no ability to humiliate you and when it is angry from this fact it cannot act in any way because you have either eaten it or it is so thin that it cannot utilise any of its decapitated body parts against you.

Only then, my fellow friend, will you defeat and conquer the deadly and vexatious fruit that is the apple. Only then may you continue to consume healthy foods in class without drenching your peers or attracting too much attention. Heed my warnings, for the apple does indeed fall far from the tree, and it also has relatives willing to assist it in whatever it needs.

Stickers on Apples

Being a busy university student who must not slice away any time, no pun intended, from travelling to and fro campuses and studying and procrastinating more than studying, I have no time to consume healthy things like apples because if I did I would have to eat them the fast way and that ends with me looking something like a drooling bulldog. 

There is an exception, though, and that is when my mother slices my apple for me and places it ever so neatly in a resealable bag, ensuring its constant freshness until I have a break from my long hours to be able to consume this nutritious snack. And it is cut flawlessly each time, there never is a complaint from my end as I eat it in a fast but ladylike manner, conveniently, and am content with that. Today, however, there was something ill-fated about my sliced apple, and it has nothing to do with the way I consumed it. In fact, it happened just as I was randomly observing it as it moved in its many forms in the resealable bag. 

Today, I found pieces of sticker still intact on two of my apple slices. It appears that my mother had not removed them prior to slicing the apple, for reasons unknown however I highly doubt that it was on purpose because those mistakes should happen to people like Adolf Hitler and his many inhumane assailants. Assailants? Allies? Thieves of innocent lives, nonetheless. 

I was lucky to have removed these stickers before I consumed the apple, of course, and I had a premonition of a possible modern-day Snow White episode though I would not ever compare my mother to that nasty old witch - plus, my mother has far better cooking skills, which would place her even further away from the wicked witch had my mother also been a witch. The wicked witch would have had a lot of competition on MasterChef: Witch Brew season. Needless to say, my mother's apple pies beat Snow White's as well. My mother would be a supreme witch. 

Mothers need to be careful, all jokes aside. This is a pressing matter and capitalist children all over the world should beware of the stickers on apples, for apart from notifying you about the apple's origin, they may also be the reason as to why you will never live to see or eat another apple.