Hearing about the death of Christina Grimmie due to a shooting pained me late last week, but little did I know of the additional pain I would feel thereafter.
When I found out about the Orlando Shooting I could not compute what my eyes and ears collaboratively were exposed to. I sat there absolutely dumbfounded on the sofa, planning minutes earlier to change out of my bedroom attire and leave the house for some headspace. But I could not perform either task. I was watching a live news coverage of the shootings that had been broadcasted for two hours and counting, right after having watched Interstellar again. That movie had altered my mindset in terms of the hyperreal, however reality caught up with me and smacked me in the head. I left the sofa, and curled up in bed.
Beneath my bedsheets I found somewhat of a solace. I fell into a deep sleep that lasted for about five hours. I woke up just as the sun began to set. I came to the conclusion that I no longer think it is a matter of gun control. I think it is a matter of self control. I think of it like this: I have my driver's license, as do most of the people in the world. I have never, however, driven above the speed limit. I have never 'hooned' or driven dangerously so as to harm myself or other road users. That is a choice I have consciously made. When I hear of other road users who have succumbed to death or injury due to their conscious decisions to drive menacingly, I do not pity them. I only pity those who they have harmed. That is the same dynamic of pity that I bring to this terrible massacre.
And thus the same thing goes with gun control. I have been an admirer of guns ever since I have played my first video game. Do not take that out of context, though. I simply love their form and structure and love the thrill of shooting - having said that, I have only shot one gun and that was in a legal gun shooting range in Queensland, Australia. The gun was wired down to the surrounding metal structures and could only be aimed at the target. If the case were where no structure was holding the gun, that is how I would have gone about shooting the gun too, precisely at an inanimate target. And I am sure of that, despite what feelings I would have felt on any given day where I would hold hypothetical gun. That is because I am consciously aware that I do not wish harm upon other beings, whether they were human or otherwise. I have a strong moral compass and that ensures that I retain my sense of humanity.
I think the problem is that some people do not have this. Some people do not have some sort of mental blocking capability wherein they will kick a dog, trip a toddler over, throw someone's ball onto the traintracks with no hesitation whatsoever. There will exist those people who have no ability to control their moralities. And that is what I fear. It is these people who do not see their wrongdoings, because they have no sense of wrongdoings in the first place, or their sense of wrongdoings do not align with the status quo's sense of wrongdoings. I cannot, thus, attest the fault of guns to this situation. Yes, certain guns should not be made readily available in said amount of time, however I would have purchased the gun he had used just to possess it as the aesthetically pleasing object that I see. Omar Mateen, however, had other motives.
We should thus focus our energies on what it is that causes certain people to think and act in this way. Perhaps this focusing would prove preventative of future violent outbursts. Perhaps we can save lives. I know for a fact that bullying can be damaging to an individual. I have been through things in my childhood that I refuse to talk about because they are still with me to this day. I remember every detail and no matter how old I get I am quite certain that they will remain vivid in my mind. And that is detrimental. Some days I cannot face anyone, I isolate myself and hide away. It is how I cope. Unfortunately, others do not cope in the same way I do. Our coping mechanisms are dynamic. They are ever changing, and unpredictable. Something cathartic for someone may not be cathartic to society, but it is nonetheless cathartic. We are then faced with two problems: the former being the fact that bullying is still prominent and sticks to one for a lifetime, and the latter being the mental aftermath of the bullying and the seeking of catharsis.
The issue of 'the other' is brought up thus. Calling people 'weird' or seeing them as 'the other' is an early form of this problem. You are different. You do not belong, they taunt at a young age. And so the misfits rise and are shot down just enough for them to shoot others down - literally. Take the Columbine shooters, or Elliot Rodger. Perhaps Mateen had the same underlying motive: to bring himself some sort of catharsis. I have read news reports that allege that Mateen was gay, and that he was on multiple gay dating sites,and had actually hung out at Pulse nightclub several times, so perhaps he indeed was and could not accept the fact that he was. He thus saw it as viable to shoot people who were out and proud; yes, society sees this as unacceptable but a troubled mind may see it as the only option. Perhaps he felt emasculated in his being gay as opposed to what his religion preferred, which was the case (mildly) with Rodger. But nobody will know this because this is information that probably will never want to leave the subconscious. What if we could access this information? What if we actually had areas in our society where people felt safe enough to relieve themselves of their innermost burdens?
The issue of 'the other' is brought up thus. Calling people 'weird' or seeing them as 'the other' is an early form of this problem. You are different. You do not belong, they taunt at a young age. And so the misfits rise and are shot down just enough for them to shoot others down - literally. Take the Columbine shooters, or Elliot Rodger. Perhaps Mateen had the same underlying motive: to bring himself some sort of catharsis. I have read news reports that allege that Mateen was gay, and that he was on multiple gay dating sites,and had actually hung out at Pulse nightclub several times, so perhaps he indeed was and could not accept the fact that he was. He thus saw it as viable to shoot people who were out and proud; yes, society sees this as unacceptable but a troubled mind may see it as the only option. Perhaps he felt emasculated in his being gay as opposed to what his religion preferred, which was the case (mildly) with Rodger. But nobody will know this because this is information that probably will never want to leave the subconscious. What if we could access this information? What if we actually had areas in our society where people felt safe enough to relieve themselves of their innermost burdens?
I brought this conversation up earlier at the dinner table. I said, "we can get guns here too" when my parents claimed that this was different. "No!" my father exclaimed. "not those guns. We can't get guns that fire that fast." Whatever guns one can or cannot acquire is regardless of what I am trying to say; it is self control that is above all. This, I suppose, aligns with the argument revolving around pitbulls, that they are a dangerous breed: it is not the breed, but the owner.
Be not prejudiced. Let the media do that because it's what it does best.
Instead, be human. Be understanding. Be welcoming. Help one another. You never know who is mentally hurting, and for what reason. Seek that misfit. Give them a feeling of belonging. Who knows, maybe you can be a preventative substance in this concoction of terror.
I will end this post with a poem I wrote when I was angered by the news of the shooting:
When man turneth his eyes to a gun we weep
When man turneth his eyes through a gun we weep
When man turneth his gun to an animal we weep
When man turneth his gun to his own species we weep
When man turneth his gun to himself we weep
Do not turneth with the gun but with humanity
