Seth Rogen Versus Kim Jong Un

source

You know, I never thought that I would ever say this, but I feel sorry for Kim Jong Un. He has a face so adorable looking that I want to poke it and caress it and force it to drink tea with me and my teddy-bears at a pretend tea party.

I do not blame him for his anger at Seth Rogen and James Franco's new flick, The Interview. I mean, I am not going to go into an in-depth analysis through political views and metaphorical symbolism - there will come a metaphor later in this piece, though - contained in the movie, rather I will speak of this aligning with Kim Jong Un's reaction through a sense of similitude: if I had a movie made about the assassination of me, I would too want the movie itself to be assassinated, let alone the jokers acting in it. After all, I want to uphold my reputation as a capitalist slave in training as much as Kim Jong Un wants to uphold his reputation as a communist slave leader.

Now, I for one love Seth Rogen. I love James Franco also, but not as much as Seth Rogen, and even though I admire Seth Rogen a lot more than James Franco, I would not urinate on him to put out flames on his body, hypothetically speaking. Sure, I admire his movies and his humour and most definitely his infectious laugh, yet I also admire my sense of dignity and if he made a movie about my assassination, as funny as it may be, I would consider sending out nuclear missiles - hypothetically speaking, of course. Plus with my high student debt, I doubt that I could ever afford one of those things. See, kids? education really is good for you - and for the government.

This situation, and here comes the promised metaphor, is like a Facebook fight, wherein Kim Jong Un is being targeted by two keyboard warriors, James Franco and Seth Rogen, over something silly, but in this case it is his life and the need for it to be stopped, and Kim being Kim, is considering sending over a nuclear bomb to teach those keyboard warriors a lesson. Actually, to teach their entire nation a lesson, and maybe even the entire rest of the world. I can guarantee that you, fellow reader, have been at least once annoyed and bullied by a keyboard warrior. I know I have, and I sure would have wished I was in alliance with North Korea in the duration of those times. 'If you can't nuke 'em, join 'em'.

I suppose Kim Jong Un's main motive throughout this crazy declaration of a "merciless counter-measure" is revenge for both The Interview and Team America: World Police. I remember watching Team America: World Police despite my parents' warnings against it, fundamentally for its hilarious portrayal of terrorists through the amazing act of puppetry, but also for its hilarious Barbie doll-esque sex scene that amused me for months afterward, not to mention the catchy theme song resembling the utter patriotism of Americans. One thing I did not take into account, though, was its portrayal of Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Un's father. 

source

And now that I am reminiscing back on his portrayal and I am imagining myself in his situation - if my father, who resembles greatly Tony Soprano, and who premiered on the news speaking against the consumer monster Coles, and who made one of my family portraits shown below look like a mafia portrait, were criticised by two Hollywood keyboard warriors, I would be deeply unsettled. It is my job to give him a sense of annoyance, it is my job to make him regret ever deciding to multiply, and it is my job to jokingly criticise him, not the job of two financially-abled bodies. 

Yes, Kim Jong Un is indeed behaving like a hormonal teenager with nuclear privileges, however I would too behave in the same way given the circumstances. Unless of course I was able to laugh it all off, in which case The Interview probably is not that funny, considering Seth Rogen's reaction to Kim Jong Un's reaction, "People don't usually wanna kill me for one of my movies until after they've paid 12 bucks for it. Hiyooooo!!!"