Unpopular Opinion: Should we hold Empathy for Incels?

Before I begin, I need to outline that I am seated on the fence in this occurence; that is to say that I am observing this happening from multiple perspectives. However, I wish to focus on the most unpopular, as it may prove worthy considering the mass writings on this topic revolve around the more popular opinion. This is a sensitive topic, and I do not in any way aim to offend persons on either sides of this argument; I wish simply to bring to light the possibilities of what seems to be missing in this narrative.

Jake Davison: 22 year old deceased male from Plymouth who shot and killed five people before he turned the gun on himself. 

Basic headline, right?

We will also come to witness, in the next few days, strings of words the media will use to fuel a reader's interest in the matter: 'Incel', 'blackpill', 'loner', 'gun-obsessed', 'American-born', 'propaganda'. What we will not witness is sympathy directed at anyone but the victims, and particularly, never the shooter themselves.

Is that what we're missing in our society at the moment? Are we missing the general empathy needed to understand why something like this seems to be recurring?

Before this, let me explain briefly some of the key words from above. Word one: 'Incel'. An 'Incel' is an abbreviation of the terms 'Involuntary Celibate'. It is a derivative of an online sub-culture filled with persons who desire an intimate companion, but feel as though they are too unattractive in various forms to find one. Thus, hatred has formed against those in society who do have an intimate companion, and comparisons are drawn, in a possible attempt to identify why.

A few instances have occured where self-proclaimed members of this sub-culture have taken on violent rampages in order to quell the sense of anger they hold for certain members of society. It stands quite true that we are never sure of the exact motive of a murderous person, however it seems the media is always quick to jump onto the assumption train and illuminate all the negative aspects that have been bred from this 'Incel' sub-culture.

All? No. I don't actually think all the negative aspects have been covered.

Take, for example, the very motivation for the sub-culture: loneliness. Every person, at any given time, has experienced feeling alone. It is not a pleasant feeling, and it is one we are quick to try to rid ourselves of, as human beings are philosophically said to be social creatures, and it is in our very nature to want to communicate and connect. So what happens when we do not have these basic forms of communication and connection? Loneliness.

Another motivation: a feeling of unattractiveness. This can stem from aspects of the phyiscal, to aspects of the sexual. It may be true that we are all our own worst enemies in the sense that we find parts of ourselves absolutely appalling, and then turn to hate our entirety becuase of said parts, however how would it be like to feel as though some other person identifies these parts of you as 'unattractive', and then works to aid you in believing so? Imagine the sensation of tickling yourself. You cannot do it. But when someone else tickles you, that's when you feel the effect. This may work in a similar way. Self-hatred is already such a strong sensation; what of the sensation, then, of hatred coming from someone else? Or even worse, assumed hatred?

I think that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein still rings true in our society today: we are too quick to judge the external. Dating apps ask you to placate yourself in the form of pictures and a few words; resumes ask you to display some skills; social media apps ask for little hints of your opinion and ask others to give theirs (don't get me started about 'Cancel Culture') - we are constantly judging one another.

And the media exacerbates all of this. It awaits, a predator, striking any form of prey, and begins the fear and hate-mongering processes of applying words and images in order to evoke reactions. And that is what is happening now.

Yes - there are several victims, and of course, I extend my grievances and apologies to their families. But I also extend it to these people who are fuelled so much by the judgments around us.

I constantly say this: it is imperative to treat others the way you wish to be treated.

So, how do we achieve this in our time?

As a teacher, I still experience bullying. Words exchanged, actions. Just the other day I saw some students hide the exercise book of another, and giggled ferociously; it's not funny, it has been done before and achieves nothing but the circulation of hatred. It wasn't even funny when I was tripped over for being 'fat' and came home every day with grazed knees, and have constantly clicking knees when I walk or ascend stairs. It still isn't funny. And it's such a degrading thing to watch someone being berated.

That's why we should extend a form of understanding towards this sub-culture. It hasn't stemmed from anything but the mistakes of human beings. And within it, are humans just trying to understand why. 

Now that the media has decorated this sub-culture with words the general public associates with it, it will be harder for the general public to establish and utilise some form of empathy. It seems like we only fight hatred with hatred, and we never seek to understand it.

Let me show you this screenshot I took from another headline:

What is this headline trying to say exactly? I won't feed your mind; rather, reader, I invite you to think of it in a perspective you normally would not think from.

Here is my rendition:

The difference is that the rendition simply seems to understand why. While the media is focussed on the potential that 'Incels are a Terror threat to the UK' (I am not even kidding), primarily because a weapon was used and his Youtube showed subscriptions to gun channels, it does not focus on how to help balance the world in terms of achieving harmony in connections. 

His videos, partly depicting a cry for help, have been removed. I second the notion that now we won't be able to understand his motives, and we won't be able to try to grow and develop as a society to ensure that everyone feels seen, welcome, and included. It has been removed. That's it. All his words, his ways of thinking, gone.

We work so hard to divide society, and I still haven't seen such hard work put into bringing it together.