Life After Flappy Bird

So it appears that sneaker investments on eBay are not the only things soaring – now, used phones with the game Flappy Bird installed on it are also soaring, soaring less and for more money than Flappy Bird itself had soared through in its small life.

An eBay bid for a white iPhone with Flappy Bird installed on it has rocketed up to ninety-four thousand dollars. Other used phones with the game installed are now being placed on eBay, ranging from four-hundred dollars to almost three-thousand, with one seller asking for ninety-six thousand. The game itself can still be played, only if it is installed on a phone or tablet. The problem is that those who have deleted it can no longer play it, and those who have never played it and now yearn to play it have no choice but to purchase a used phone on eBay, in hopes of getting their own taste of the game that devoured many.

The most fascinating thing about this whole happening is that Dong Nguyen, the creator of this silly game, is allegedly angered at the amount of ‘negative’ popularity his game had reeled in. Mind you, Kim Kardashian was not happy with the negative popularity that her pornographic film had reeled in, yet Kanye West is not fighting to get rid of it. One can imagine how much a phone with the clip of this banned pornographic movie’s cost if it ever were to sell on eBay like Flappy Bird – people would trade in their Nike Air Yeezy II’s, or their very souls.

Taking just three days to make, Flappy Bird was placed on the iPhone market in May 2013, but it gained sudden popularity in January 2014. Conspiracy theories are now placing conspiracy theorists, among the vast majority of amateur eBay investors, in the limelight again, allowing them to make up and spread theories about this happening – some say that Dong took the game down because of it looking like Super Mario Bros, avoiding a possible lawsuit. Some say that Dong took it down as a marketing skit to enhance its downloads before it was taken down, and to prepare his wallet for the second alleged installment of the game. Some are alleging that Dong had manipulated computer bots to download the game and rate it highly In order to bring it up to the top of the download charts quicker.

But Dong says otherwise. “It ruins my life. So now I hate it.” “I cannot take this anymore.” Please, it must be so hard to deal with people in order to make a name for yourself. It must be so hard sitting behind a computer screen, clicking away, and making money. It must be so hard living with the fact that so many teenagers are giving your pixelated bird flight, ever so carefully between green pipes. It must have been so very hard earning fifty-thousand dollars a day from a game that took three days to make. Jesus, Dong, please, by all means, retire and float effervescently into the sunset on your inflatable Flappy Bird piece of merchandise, and paddle yourself to a nearby island with oars made of the money you made, and hide under a big luscious palm tree, away from the social media you sold yourself into, and away from your troubling fans who are doing nothing but installing and “overusing” your game. Be sure next time, that when you release a game, place a ‘DO NOT DOWNLOAD BECAUSE I CANNOT BE BOTHERED DEALING WITH PEOPLE PLAYING MY GAME’ sign beside the download button.

But Dong Nguyen, I would like to send you my personal thanks. Because before your deletion of Flappy Bird, my mindset towards my phone was that it was another piece of utter crap that I would have to abandon somewhere in my bedroom and move on to another phone that would cost me twice as much as it, and that would be worth less than it in another five months time – alas, I mistakingly had downloaded your game, Flappy Bird, thinking that I could beat my sister’s score in it. Now that I have acknowledged that I cannot beat her score-wise, I know that I can beat her financially. She is yet to know of her phone’s value and my phone’s value now that we both still have the game, and in a couple of month’s time when my crappy phone holding your crappy game is sold, I will watch her slowly but surely delete the game she once reveled in, and delete the potential of money she could earn. Thank you for doubting your ability to mentally thrive with a daily income of fifty-thousand dollars. My future profession will give me that much in a whole year, so I can understand how getting all of that money in just one day could impact negatively on me and my life and the life of all of those that I know! Now that you know what it like to earn fifty-thousand dollars in a day, you could probably remind Jay Z in a vivid manner what fifty-thousand dollars is to a person like him.

I think the world owes an apology to Dong Nguyen, for giving his game attention and giving him a lot of money. On behalf of the world, I would like to apologize for making you and your game excessively popular with its constant crushing of our egos. I would also like to apologize for being part of the reason why you will never know of poverty again. Sorry for pressing ‘install’. I will be sure not to next time I see a game developed by you. Also, thank you for the increasing valuation of my crappy Samsung Galaxy s2.