Is Pharrell Williams a Vampire?

The most common search suggestion on Google at the moment, when you type 'Pharrell Williams' is the word 'vampire'. It is as though Google is playing some accusatory version of the game word association, almost forcing the world to contemplate whether or not baby-faced Pharrell is a drinker of human blood.

Whether or not he is a vampire, Pharrell still is a good singer, or rapper, or pretty boy, or whatever he is. Why should we shun a piece of eye-candy because of the allegation that he prefers drinking human blood rather than Mountain Dew? So be it, let him be the next Nosferatu, the next Dracula, the next Edward Cullen - so long as he stays far away from my neckline. I appreciate the fact that I am way out of his league, in this instance, otherwise I could have been a form of prey. Just like LGBT equality activists, if Pharrell is a vampire, soon we will have LVA rallies - Leave Vampires Alone rallies. We would have parades through our streets, with human supporters of vampires lying down on stretchers with tubes hanging out of their arms and their fellow vampires sucking some blood from the tube, their hands held high, palms in the form of fists, smiling as blood oozes down the sides of their lips. And maybe Obama might accept all vampires as one of us, in which case most other countries will not and maybe they will wave black flags with a crossed-out wooden stake on it to commemorate their fight for equality. 

Maybe even Google is part of the infamous Illuminati, and it is for some reason forcing us to accuse poor Pharrell over something barbaric, and utterly fictitious, unless of course he is a bat, so that he could lose the fame he had acquired with the help of the Illuminati because of possibly going against them? Perhaps they did not like it when he told the world that he stays up all night to 'Get Lucky'. Perhaps how good-looking he is is a reflection on how easy his life is with the help of the monetisation from the Illuminati, and they wanted to offer another explanation which deters fans from the Illuminati's existence - that Pharrell is a vampire. And this does not become difficult to believe, especially considering all of the oversized hats he has been wearing as of late, perhaps he is protecting his lovely skin from the light?

Maybe in the song 'Get Lucky', Pharrell was trying to imply something by telling us that he is 'up all night' - vampiric beings are, assuming their realness, like owls and bats, nocturnal. Maybe in a subtle way that hinders most of the types of fans of that type of song, in that it makes them think that Pharrell too enjoys staying up late for some sexual action, when really he is staying up late for some neck-suction action. The possibilities are endless when it comes to how sensational Pharrell looks at his seemingly inappropriate age of forty. Perhaps he is one of the lucky sorts of human beings with flawless genetics that allows him to age a lot slower than most. Pharrell has been asked if he is a vampire, to his face, and he replies with something a vampire would reply with: "No I am not." He then wishes to prove that he is not by being "willing to go on record saying that [he does not] drink people's blood", and that he simply looks a lot younger than he is because he "wash[es his] face". 

Ever since Pharrell Williams had claimed that washing his face makes him look younger, the sales in soaps and other hygiene products has sky-rocketed, even taking companies such as Dove and Lux to the top of the stocks on Wall Street. Thanks to Pharrell's allege vampirism, not only do we know the secret to immortality, but we also know that we can lay down at night with one less person wanting to suckle on our precious necks.