Nymphomaniac: Human Qualities

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"The human qualities can be expressed in one word: hypocrisy; we elevate those who say right but mean wrong, and mock those who say wrong but mean right."

After having viewed Nymphomaniac vol. I and vol. II, keeping aside the fact that I have been mentally scarred from the realistic depiction of graphic sexual fetishes, I have found within it a quote that encapsulates my holistic view of society in its entirety. 

Be wary - from the outside, I appear to be a very charismatic person, bursting with confidence and enough energy to light the whole of New York in the event of a power outage. My smile defeats that of the Cheshire Cat, and I bounce around like an impatient bubble trapped in a safe. But on the inside, I am the complete opposite. I have to fight numerous demons every morning in order to appear the way that I seem, and it pains me that society is content with that.

I have found it difficult to maintain friendships. This is a problem that I have carried with me ever since I was quite young. It is one that I think I will never shake myself out of. I sit incognito, idle, watching peers invite other peers to outings and events and I wonder why one never swings my way. I sit there and attempt to list all the possibilities and I never seem to find even one underlying cause. So I play the blame game, and blame myself for no particular reason at all, and I leave that be. Not anymore, though.

After hearing this quote, I have driven myself to an ultimatum: I do not care. I will not leak the best of me unto those undeserving. For humanity truly does run on hypocrisy. For years I have seen indeed the elevation of "those who say right but mean wrong", those people who act as though they value you when they truly have no care in the world whatsoever. And for years, I have been the one mocked because I "say wrong but mean right" - and by wrong, I mean keywords, or lack of. I remember distinctively a time in high school when my peers were conversing about sexual encounters and I sat there immobile. I was not only naive, but I had better things to think and talk about. Nobody wanted to hear it, thus I held the wrong keywords necessary for peer converging, hence my wrongness. I was wrong in that I was that strange piece of puzzle, its origins unknown. I still am.

I can easily shut down. I can easily wipe away all of my thought processes and creative abilities in order to become one with the status quo, in order to blend in with all of those who hide behind facades and who hurt and demean only to improve their own physical and mental statures. I can easily leave my soul behind in a glass jar with the lid sealed shut every morning and go about my day like a clone, like a robot, and come home with an empty mind and a full bank account. But why would I want that? Why must I drain myself of all vibrancy in colour and become dulled with moroseness? Dulled with a way of living that kills me and not my enemies?

Let my enemies prosper. I surely hope that they do. I surely hope that while revelling in the vicious cycles that they call their 'lives', they never stop for one moment to ever consider me nor mine. Because as of this moment, they are nothing to me. Nothing but peas in a hypocritical pod.