Robin Williams: the Dangers of a Facade

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As we all now have come to know, the king of comedy has passed away. Robin Williams reportedly committed suicide, asphyxiated himself. While many are mourning the loss of Robin due to his enormous sense of humour, I cannot help but think about something else.

I think that people are so fixated on his facade of happiness and humour, that they are forgetting the tragedy in all of this; the worst part of Robin Williams' passing is knowing that someone who appeared so content was the utter opposite internally - that someone who lived his life ensuring the happiness of others had a limited amount of his own. Millions of people are fighting depression and it leaves me feeling morose knowing that another has lost the arduous battle it brings to its victims. 

Suffering from depression is not the simplest of tasks. It consists of a lifetime of mental struggle. It digs a dark abyss into the sufferer's mind and expands deep into a depth where an end is unseen - if one were to throw a rock into it, they would not hear the sound when it reaches the bottom, mainly because for most sufferers, there exists no bottom. They thus fall into a loophole of darkness, a barren mental realm where no light thrives. They float in it and when they cannot barely make their way out of it, they find themselves caught there, their bodies having no choice but to remain immobile as their owners leave the world behind.

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Just then, a tribute movie containing Robin Williams was televised: Mrs Doubtfire. Though I have seen it hundreds of times, this particular viewing had me catching on two quotes that I otherwise never noticed.  The first, dressed as Mrs Doubtfire, Robin says, "this is not a way of life... it's just a job." And I thought deeply about that quote. Figuratively, it is representative of his role as an actor and a comedian - just because he pretended to be happy, it does not necessarily mean that he was. In saying that, the general public needs to keep in mind that actors are humans with careers too. They act as their job requires, and they take off the acting mask when they reach home, and in his case, Robin unfortunately did not mimic his mask.

Another quote stuck out to me - this was when Robin, not dressed as Mrs Doubtfire, rather dressed as his second character, Daniel, says to his movie wife Miranda in discussion of their divorce, "you want me to pretend everything's all right? Put on a happy face? Smile?" And I think that that quote there highlights the issue with people failing to understand why he has prematurely ended his life. If they are in a state of discontent, it is difficult enough to have to act like they are not so as to protect their self-esteem, let alone the difficulty they face in having to keep that act constantly so as to ensure recipients are content. And all actors and actresses face this problem. Fans are simply too demanding. But life itself, existence, is much more demanding. Once the acting is turned off, once the wearer is temporarily relieved of the mask, reality kicks in and life becomes difficult to deal with again.

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It is a strange phenomenon for someone who is so terribly melancholic to act as though they are happy. Greek tragedy began in 5 BC. I remember taking a sociology class, wherein my tutor mentioned a theorist, MacIntyre, who believed that man is 'a storytelling-animal'. He continued, 'I can only answer the question ‘What am I to do?’ if I can answer the prior question ‘Of what story or stories do I find myself a part?’' In saying this, MacIntyre implied that we retell stories in order to know ourselves better. We act in order to fit, and thus falls Robin Williams. He acted, I hypothesise, as a form of denial; it is safe to say that he clearly fooled everyone, however the main person he fooled was himself. In pretending that everything was okay, he believed it. Even for a short amount of time, even if he knew that it was not, he believed in that moment that it was, and he reveled in that moment, and that is what made him a great comedian. 

I would certainly know this because it is the case with me. For as long as I can remember, I too have been dealing with depression. It is something that I cannot shake from myself, and I have grown to accept it despite its unhealthiness. I know too well the use of a facade to mask my true feelings, and unfortunately it is something that cannot be helped. So I understand why Robin did what he did, and as a fellow human sufferer I am saddened not because I lost a favourite actor, but because I lost a fellow brother. Laughter is truly a medicine. It is helping me overcome my darkest thoughts, and to see everyone else's reaction to my humour makes me even more happy, so much so that I forget that I was ever sad.

Let me paint a picture of how it is to live with depression, or at least grant you a painting from my ongoing experience of it: imagine a little girl. Let us name that little girl 'Life'. Life has wanted her own heart balloon ever since she could walk. One day, she found one caught in a tree. It was a red heart balloon that was filled with helium. It sometimes was so strong that it would almost slip away from Life. Life held tightly to it, until one day, a large wind picked up with it Life's beautiful red balloon and it flew out of Life's reach. No matter how high Life tried to jump, that balloon would not come down. Depression sufferers are that balloon. Some come back down to Life, and Life repairs them and inflates them again and they fly despite all of their beautiful scars. Some never return to Life.

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We find ourselves starting most conversations, following with a greeting, with 'are you okay?' But I find that we do not really expand on that. The other person in the conversation either lies and says that they are, or complains about complaining, or begins to tell the asker reasons as to why they are not okay. And the asker may or may not take it under their wing entirely, but I think that we do not delve deep enough into asking someone if they truly are or are not okay. And I think that if we started to, instead of using it like a secondary greeting, we would notice that a lot more people than not are wearing masks.

'R U OK? DAY' falls on the 11th of September each month. It is the only day of the year by this company commemorated to making sure that somebody is okay. I think that this day should outstretch to the length of 365 days. We need to be asked each day what we are feeling, because there goes by no day where something does not bring someone down, where something does not pull up that red balloon from Life.

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Depression is a real illness. It continues to claim the lives of many. In order for sufferers to be strong, we have to bond with one another. My hand is held out for whoever wishes to hold it. Our world can be so barren, but if we unite we can help each other feel less alone in this. Nobody should ever feel that they are the only one going through this tribulation, because the reality is that a lot of people are, and the main ones are those who pretend that they are unaffected.

Rest in peace, Robin Williams.