Disciplinary Forms of Behaviour

Right at this very moment, I am absolutely bursting to tend to my needs by excreting some waste in the toilet. But I am holding it in as a form of discipline. Momentary discipline, that is. Because soon enough, I will need to be able to visit the bathroom, no matter what tasks I have to fulfil.

So, my daily task, other than survive on this planet, is to write an essay. Limited to no amount of words, and no particular style. Daily, I have been fulfilling this, despite the recent outcry of my university work. Do me! they cry. Do me! Do me now! You know you have to! So, yes, I obey them, and I do them, and then I am left with my daily mind-sprawling, mind-sharing, whatever you wish to categorize it as. It is, nonetheless, disciplinary for me. I know that if I do not run myself to the ground with some tasks, and just leave them on the side only to watch them compile, grow, and unleash itself from my desk like a kraken, then I will be attacked by procrastination and never get anything done.

But no. I have recently chosen a disciplinary lifestyle, as of around one hundred and twenty-one essays ago. And it has been working out okay. I am tired, but not overly tired. I am now more capable of organising myself, of remembering things, and my vocabulary has been growing without me knowing. I come to write words most of the time, and I find myself having to look up their meanings just in case I am on the wrong track, yet I find that I am on the exact path that I should be on, surprisingly. So I ask myself, then, how is it that I can do this? Reading, my friend. Reading.

I have been drawing only for my art class, and reading both necessarily and unnecessarily. I have been a voluntary and involuntary reader, only because reading also keeps me at the top of my game. All of these things accumulate and form me, but most importantly, they ensure my survival. I know that because of the amount of things I read, I am able to learn things quickly, to categorise things and rapidly sort them through my mind, summarising chunks from what I come across, making it easier for me to both comprehend and recall.

I have three art pieces due soon. I have three sets of art preparations for those artworks. I have a few essays coming up, for uni. I have a presentation. I have a couple of students to tutor. I have high school placement which requires me to teach next Tuesday. I have long chapters to read from a reader as well as a novel and another two novels lined up out of interest, and another two for that subject, and another fifteen or so for my creation of a flawless, or so I hope, English syllabus. 

My days are hectic, yet I am enjoying myself. It feels good to feel and be busy, because being busy implies that you count for something. I am accountable, and if I fail to do things it matters. By looking at the world that way, I seek to define myself.