How Do You Like Your Eggs in the Morning?

The most important question in showing love or affection in the form of food is "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" When somebody asks you that, it technically means that they are so enamoured with you that they are not willing to risk even the lack of scrambling of your eggs to possibly bring forth the chance of a briefly upset stomach.

On the subject of upset stomachs, however, I must say that I personally, after having consumed eggs of any form, scrambled, boiled or whatnot, begin to release flatulence. And a lot of it. There definitely is nothing romantic about that at all. Eggs make me fart, and if somebody were to purposely make me fart by partaking in a breakfast with me which they direct, wherein they ask me how I want my eggs, thus forcing upon me the forthcoming of flatulence, I do not see that as a romantic gesture, rather a romantic disaster - mostly on that somebody's part, because they have now turned the lock to Pandora's Box, and will have to block their source of oxygen supply before they inhale what I just digested.

I suppose it is a natural thing, though. I know that members of my family have the same thing, yet I dare not ask others because it is not quite a conversation topic to have with other humans, rather I assume that it is normal because of society's satire revolving around 'eggy farts'. And another thing I know is that nobody quite puts themselves to shame, in my family, by asking how the latter wants their eggs, if the latter was lucky enough to have the former cook for them. The eggs are just fried, or boiled, rarely scrambled, and whatever form the former decides is what the latter cooks if the latter did not have the former cook for them. It is already assumed, and that is the way it remains.

I must say, though, that the only way that this scenario would be romantic is if the person asking the latter how they would like their eggs cooked truly did not mind the smell of the latter's fart. That, then, would prove that the former truly loves the latter, even if the latter's smelly flatulence has the potential to call for an air raid wherein planes fly into Australia just to spray the entire country with a nice scent strong enough to cover the latter's fart smell, so as to avoid other people in the country's untimely deaths. Thus, if somebody does have the decency to ask you which method of cooking you prefer your eggs to undertake, consider it a kind and brave gesture, the level of which depends on how bad your flatulence smells. Please note that this does not count if the former has not yet smelt the latter's fart, in which case the former would not know what they are in for.

So, when I hear people ask others about how they would like their eggs in the morning, I automatically assume that they know the smell of the fart of the person they are asking, thus they are brave enough to initiate the question, or even consider cooking eggs for breakfast, rather than something which does not cause flatulence, like pancakes. Pancakes are a good alternative breakfast for those of you who are the formers, and who do not, or secretly do not like the smell of the latter's flatulence after their consumption of eggs. Add a side of fresh strawberries, and eggs would forever be forgotten from this romantic gesture, this romantic concoction. And also consider this the saving of a potential chicken's embryo. That way, you will not feel bad about not enjoying the latter's flatulence and you will not feel bad about mutilating an embryo in a frying pan.

Eggs - the food of lovers who do not mind flatulence, or the food to be avoided at all time if you would like to retain your ability to breathe. Whichever it is that you consider eggs to be, please do not allow yourself to be the latter which brings home the former and nods when the former asks you for eggs in the morning, if the former knows not of your wicked flatulence after the consumption of eggs.