The Apple Falls Far from the Tree

There lies a partial explanation as to why students favour foods of a fatty basis rather than foods with a somewhat healthy basis, especially upon the observation of my current university setting, and it has crossed my mind that this is due to the susceptibility of humiliation.

One instantly draws attention to themselves after taking a mere bite from a crispy fresh apple, sending the juices from within it flying onto their peers who are quietly sipping away on their innocent protein shakes, or munching away on their seemingly quiet muesli bars. One panics as they do not wish to continue spraying their peers with natural juices, so one attempts to chew the apple in a way between not looking like they can fit the entire apple and their fist in their mouth, and opening their mouth enough so as to not bite into their inner-lip lining instead. This proves a difficult task, but one proceeds to chew into the apple at varied speeds, with their mouth opened at varied sizes.

But one soon finds that despite their best efforts, their apple crunching either dismantles their peers' thoughts, or the apple juices soak them. One's apple crunching sounds should not be undermined, for they can bring focus of even the most focussed of minds, particularly in the longevity of a literary in-depth discussion of a classic novel. One would assume that they would be spared by the apple and its noisy and messy injustices seeing as one is making a healthy choice by choosing a fruit over preservatives, but one is highly mistaken.

Apples are deceiving beings. They exist not to draw you away from the doctor, but to rather use that force to draw you into humiliation to the point where you feel the need to seek mental help for one, feeling victimised by an apple, two, being able to converse with an apple to the point where it victimises you and three, that you personified an apple so much so that it began to speak in the first place. The apple schemes all of this, and always in this order, so be weary of this mischievous lunchbox snack. It is the one fruit that has the ability to turn you into a fruitcake, and the one fruit that holds the ability to turn you into a vegetable. Be very wary. 

I would suggest before you decide to bring an apple into a classroom setting, that you should remove its sticker of identification as an apple from whatever origin, stripping it of its dignity, and cut it up at home. Yes. Slice into it, slice it into less than a half, slice it into quarters, into eighths, into tenths, twentieths, whatever you can manage. Slice it until it becomes weary and small, so that when you eat it in class it has no ability to humiliate you and when it is angry from this fact it cannot act in any way because you have either eaten it or it is so thin that it cannot utilise any of its decapitated body parts against you.

Only then, my fellow friend, will you defeat and conquer the deadly and vexatious fruit that is the apple. Only then may you continue to consume healthy foods in class without drenching your peers or attracting too much attention. Heed my warnings, for the apple does indeed fall far from the tree, and it also has relatives willing to assist it in whatever it needs.