The Upsides and Downsides of Christmas

Christmas is a grand time of the year, where families get together and celebrate the birth of Christ, or so one hopes, by gifting and feasting whilst having the day off from work. However, people also tend to forget the bad side of this holiday event.

Upside: People have the day off work to celebrate with their families.
Downside: Police officers, people working in the hospitality industry, people working in hospitals, people driving trucks, Santa Clause and his reindeer and elves and other people who have to work on the day unfortunately do not.

Upside: People who work on Christmas Day get paid a fair bit more money than when they work on other days.
Downside: That money will have to replace the money that went to buying gifts for people that cannot afford buying themselves things, and the rest of it will most likely be blown away on Boxing Day.

Upside: Most of the world celebrates Christmas. Most shops have exquisitely beautiful Christmas decorations up to lure and amuse customers, and people of Facebook and Instagram post photographs of their Christmas trees and Christmas gifts, and begin to check themselves into their grandparents’ homes to indicate that they are indeed celebrating Christmas without having to cook, but just eat.
Downside: Muslims and non-celebrators of Christmas have Christmas rubbed into their faces from the visible decorations, television commercials and social networking posts, and into their ears from radio stations.

Upside: Christmas Carols.
Downside: The repetition of Christmas Carols.

Upside: Celebrating Christmas by feasting with loved ones and receiving really good gifts after gifting people with what you intended to be good gifts and having a minor panic attack in thinking that while you spent a lot of money on the person, you may not receive a gift back but feeling relieved that you did receive a gift back.
Downside: Celebrating by feasting and gifting without acknowledging Jesus’ birthday. The poor guy was born in a manger, amidst the rancid animal smells.

Upside: Anticipating the arrival of Christmas and making plans to see and be with and feast with people you do not normally see often.
Downside: The obligatory need to celebrate – this comes from media, shopping malls, strangers and relatives. People which accumulate to the epitome of the idea of The Grinch have trouble focusing on hating other things in the world because they are focusing on how horrid it is to know that most of their friends are with other friends and family sharing a nice roasted piece of ham whilst they are sitting at home watching Season Three of Friends with their pet cats snuggled around them.

Upside: Buying really good gifts for your family members and feeling great about yourself for it when you see the look on their faces when they open your gift and realize how cool it is, and how cool you are.
Downside: Not experiencing the family members you have gifted opening their gifts because, again, you have had to buy gifts intended for one person but in reality it is meant for another because wogs like to play ‘pass the parcel’ with their Christmas gifts, despite how much money you spent on them or how applicable the gift is to their personality and interests – they are sure that their relatives will enjoy it regardless. But they thank you anyway and pretend as though they will open it when they are home, but when you are at the other relative’s house and look under their Christmas tree and notice the all too familiar wrapping paper holding the all too familiar shape, reality slaps you in your face and you sink into their sofa and promise that you will never do this again.

Upside: Promising not to buy your wog relatives gifts anymore to save yourself some money seeing as though they gift others based on what you pay.
Downside: Giving in to the Christmas spirit and buying your wog relatives gifts anyway because it is shameful to walk into their house with empty hands in the holiday season, or any season.

Upside: When you did not receive presents and buy yourself a cool present online because you know your interests more than anybody else.
Downside: Online shipping is delayed because of Christmas Day being a day off, so the cool things you ordered late for Christmas will not arrive on Christmas, and you sit there whilst everyone opens their presents, awkwardly flicking your thumbs and wearing a fake smile while your hands are clenched.

Upside: Getting drunk on cheap wine or beer or tequila shots or anything else with alcohol in it.
Downside: Most people celebrate too hard by drinking too much and want to drive around but do not take into account that if they do drive while drunk they may kill not only themselves but other people who have not yet had the chance to celebrate with their loved ones. Drink and drive responsibly, always.

Upside: Being reminded about Christmas time constantly so that you have the chance to make plans and buy gifts and prepare meals.
Downside: Homeless people and people living in third-world or war-torn countries tend to be forgotten by the media and all celebrants of Christmas.

Upside: Having the shops open nice and late so you have something to do and somewhere to go in the event of having finished all pre-Christmas preparations.
Downside: Not being able to tolerate all of the crowds and hoards of people who go to snoop around in shopping malls. Also, having each person want to rub shoulders with you as though you were famous.

Upside: Eggnog, to Americans.
Downside: Eggnog, to me and most Australians. The name makes it sound absolutely revolting and makes me imagine a battered chicken foetus getting poured out of a milk carton. I do not have any intentions whatsoever to place one millilitre of it in my mouth.

Upside: Idea of Mistletoes and having the potential to experience your first Mistletoe kiss.

Downside: Not obtaining a Mistletoe, or obtaining one and having to celebrate with family members and choosing to utterly avoid being underneath it due to the fact that you would prefer your children to have ten fingers and ten toes.

Upside: The food. The glorious Christmas food.

Downside: Having to help wash the dishes because you feel bad for not having cooking skills like the ones your grandma and mother possess.

While there are many more upsides and downsides to list, I will now go and partake in most upsides of Christmas, shutting an eye to the downsides. It’s Christmas, for God’s sake. And while some of you do not celebrate it, I will say Happy Holidays, because it is indeed a holiday.