Feisty Female Mosquitos

Female mosquitos are involuntary and forced mobile blood banks. While males innocently suckle on flowers and nectar, females prey on unwilling donors, human or livestock, and penetrate them secretly, slipping silently far away before their prey realise.

One mere bite from a female mosquito, and one is set for almost an entire week of pain-staking, irritating, itchy, scratchy mounds of inflamed skin. All this from miniscule fly-like flying creatures with six oversized legs. They are nature’s vampires, and they feast on humans in the summer. It is not only horrid that these miniscule creatures take your blood without your attention or permission, but they may also, in some cases, leave treacherous diseases behind, such as ‘Malaria’, which attacks and in most cases defeats one’s red blood cells and many other body-parts such as the liver, ‘Yellow Fever’ which can come across like the gastro virus and in its worse cases allows your mouth to bleed, and ‘Filariasis’, a parasitic disease that can travel into your lymph nodes and cause you to get worms in your eyes or abdomen, or ‘Elephantiasis’, which literally leaves one looking like an elephant.

Travelling a maximum speed of 2.41 kilometers per hour, these blood-thirsty beings track you down every time you exhale. Humans breathe in oxygen, which contains carbon dioxide, and when they breathe out, they release the carbon dioxide. Soon after, a nearby female mosquito will smell this exhalation and stalk you in a zig-zag flying pattern until she sucks a substantial amount of your blood, 0.01 millilitres to be exact, and innocently flutters off. The solution? Do not breathe. Do not breathe, or enjoy sleepless nights spent scratching your skin to near depletion.  

To avoid the attack of these ‘Draculas-on-wings’, one must be sure to stop breathing – no exhalation of carbon dioxide means no mosquito bait. The more you sweat, smell bad or warmer you are, the more a mosquito can find you. Mosquitos can sense heat, just like the Predator. These female mosquitos need some loving, the hotter you are the closer they will come. They mind not your body odor, in fact they adore it. And even better, if you are wearing perfume. That way, your floral scent will make it easier for them to spot you.

If you have smelly feet, you are by far the biggest victim of a mosquito attack. A scientific endeavor proved that the scientist’s three-day old socks proved the most attractive to hungry female mosquitos. Make sure you keep the base of your motion-sticks clean, otherwise a mosquito will be sure to lick it up for you. And why is it, exactly, that a mosquito prefers your blood over mere nectar? Well, for her babies. Her eggs require protein to develop properly, just like how humans require slaughterhouses to acquire protein – at least mosquitos only suckle on a small part of us, one could imagine a human-sized mosquito slaughtering a human in the name of protein.

If you ponder why you have an itchy-effect after you are bitten by a feisty mosquito, it is because they spat on you. They salivate on your skin before they suck your blood in order to numb you – this is beginning to sound like a scary medical procedure. Once numb, the mosquito will drink. After it has gone, you will begin to itch because humans are allergic to the saliva left behind. Other than being plain disgusting, this is horribly frightening. A spitting, sucking devious flying creature that lays eggs in water. Any form of water, too. If you leave your cup of water outside on a hot summer day and pop inside to fetch something to place on the barbecue, upon returning and taking a drink, you could have drank the eggs of mosquitos. A free protein shake.

For total avoidance of mosquitos, it is advised that one lives in the desert and risks getting bitten by venomous snakes and scorpions, instead. Alternatively, to soothe one’s mind about how horrid this creature is, imagine a hybrid mosquito-llama, wherein it spits a gigantic numbing ball of saliva on your face and feasts. Then, thank your God for the non-existence of such a creature.