Gangsters and Toenails

Gangsters have an evil reputation that they must withhold wether they are free or imprisoned. With that said I cannot imagine one cutting through the inevitable growth of his toenails.

Gangsters are seen by the status quo as destructors of things and people, as movers of illicit substances and stolen money. How will the status quo perceive them, though, if they are sitting down with one leg crossed over the other as they are calmly trimming their toenails? One can imagine this scene taking place. Read the following with a Boston Italian Mafia accent:

Vince calls Tony from downstairs:

            “Hey, Tony, hurry up! The boss is waiting!”

Tony is sitting on the edge of his bed wearing his white singlet and white boxer shorts and black socks, one leg folded up and the nail clipper in his hand:

            “The boss can wait, Vince, look how long my toenails are!”

Vince comes up the stairs and opens Tony’s bedroom door rapidly:
            “Would you rather have long nails or no toes?”

Tony looks up from his toenails, then clips his big toenail and it flies and lands in front of Vince:
            “I feel them scrape on my shoes. Come on. Stop distracting me Vince, I’m almost done.”

Vince stares down at it in disgust, then looks back at Tony in disbelief that he is still cutting his toenails:
            “The whole of Boston will hear when the boss is done with your toes Tony. Remember what happened to Peter.”
Tony almost cuts his toe rather than the nail at the thought of Peter, their ex-friend who was a snitch having his toes clipped off with a bolt cutter:
            “Don’t bring that crap up Vince, argh I almost just cut the meat! Just wait a bit.”
Vince turns to head back down the stairs, shaking his head:
            “The boss ain’t going to be too happy about this.”

It is vaguely possible to have that scene run in your mind. When it runs in my mind, however, Tony is in a pink coloured bathrobe. In this situation I can imagine an Italian Mafia Broadway production, with singing and dancing and suits and guns, however I simply cannot fathom a real-life situation whereby a gangster actually sits down and trims their toenails. I simply cannot bring myself to picture a tough man performing a feminine-like act of self-pampering.

With all the running gangsters have to do, it is impossible to do it with toenails that poke into the front of their shoes. If they stumble upon and kick a sizeable rock and break off a toenail, it will stall them in their tracks while they are attempting to escape. A bank robbery can go horribly wrong if a broken toenail stands between a gangster and his escape route.

I think the same way when I think about African-American gangsters:

        “Tyrone, get your ass up from that bed, we gots to go!”
   “Yo, hold up, Trey, I broke a nail!”
        “Oh hell no, n*gga, you ain’t just say that! What kind of f*ggy shit is that!”
   “Nah man it hurts! Can’t run with this man, hold up yo!”

What a strange situation to be caught up in. Breaking and entering in an unfamiliar neighbourhood in an empty house and a savage pit-bull has broken free from its chains in the backyard and is on its way to attack Tyrone and Trey. What can Tyrone do, though? He needs to trim that awful toenail because he forgot to after he showered last night. He did not know that he would be in this house at this time, caught in this situation. Yet my mind still deems this situation impossible, and my brain notifies my mind that Tyrone and Trey are humans thus they have toenails that need to be trimmed almost every four weeks.

These hypothetical situations seem quite unrealistic, however think about it – gangsters need to trim their toenails too. Whenever you are exposed to a mugshot of Al Capone or some other gangster, imagine them attempting to trim their toenails while business calls. What a disaster.