Mindless Meandering

‘We had been trying to be adults since we were 15

When we finally reached 18, nothing changed

It wasn’t until we were lying on the bathroom floor

Drunk and high in two different states

That we realized

Age is just a number

And reality is learning there’s no such thing as being an adult

You only grow older

And if you’re lucky

Maybe a little wiser.’

Mindlessly meandering - that is the vibe that I gave off the sales assistant, rather, regional store manager, today whilst I accompanied my sister in search for new shoes.

“Shall I assist you on your quest?” A blonde head of hair seemed to have popped out from beside my sister, yielding a friendly crooked smile. My sister responded with a yes, and soon he became a whirlwind of different shoe options, constantly reminding my sister that he is only offering her some options, and that she may refuse or accept whatever she pleased. After over four pairs of shoes later, my sister was satisfied with the last pair, and spent the rest of our time in that store circling it while wearing the shoes in a self-convincing mantra.

While that was happening, the assistant continuously shot random phrases and questions at me. “So what are you doing after this?”
“Oh, more shopping.”
“Of course, of course. What else?”
I paused. Did this man want to know every additional detail? “Air con,” I wittingly replied. “Lots of air con.”
“Ugh, how bad was last week!”
“I totally melted.”
In the corner of his eyes, he watched as my sister continued circling the shop. “Don’t worry, take your time!” He chanted, helping other customers in the meantime.

My sister sat down again, and while she was adjusting the lace on the left shoe, he stood beside her and murmured at me, “I like your phone cover.” I heard him, but paid hardly any attention, by the time I did though it was too late to reply but I did anyway, saying “a bit of retro,” just as he was walking off. My mother, seated beside me as I stood, nudged me, “he just said he likes your phone cover!” He heard the entire second half of what she said. I stood there frozen. Things had gotten awkward.

Out of all of this, one thing that this man had asked me, clung to me: “So you’re just meandering?” I could not answer this man. At rapid speeds, he was asking me all sorts of questions with intellectual word use, and I could not answer because I did not anticipate to be confronted with so many questions, and I did not anticipate them to control words that evoke deep meaning. I just replied, ‘yes, very much so.” And it hit me – we all just meander. We meander our ways through whatever it is that we do – reading, writing, exercising, working, shopping. We meander through all our tasks, all our activities, and we think nothing more of it.

I spotted the above quote on my Tumblr dashboard when I got home, and my mind had quickly processed all of this together – adulthood, aging, the passing of time, we just meander our way through it. We mindlessly meander, briefly taking pauses or enjoying what it is that we are doing.

We are not mindful of the fact that we have one life to live, that at any time on any day we can be stripped of this life and nothing we have ever done will ever matter, nothing we have collected will actually be taken with us to wherever it is that we go. We are meandering so much so that nothing is noticed, that love is too fast and life is too fast and everything becomes a blur when we try to recall certain moments.

We take less time to soak in all that is good in our lives, we instead invest all of our time focusing on the bad, the unimportant, the things that make us angry, or the things that terrify or upset us. If you stop right now and recall all the good things, all the small things that you miss in your daily meandering, I can guarantee that there will be a lot more than you initially thought there to be. And that is where our problems lie, that we focus ourselves on the bad things and forget all the good that we have.

For starters, you are alive. You are breathing. You are a living, breathing, conscious mass that has the ability to do, to change, to act, to be. You exist. Stop your meandering, it will blur out all that is important.

The above quote applies to all those who meander their way through life. They are so caught up in the drunkenness, the highness of how it is to meander that they reach their later stages of life and sit there, dumbfounded, and wonder where it is that everything went, what it is that they actually ended up achieving, who it is that they ended up impacting on. Live both in the moment and for the future, and also do not forget most of your past. Your past is important because it tracks your progress - failure in something is progress too. Just do not meander.

Thank you, Lawrence.