It has been brought to my attention that as
of late, elderly people have been recklessly driving due to the withering away
of their driving skills and youth. Their licenses remain stamped with legality
by the skills of their younger days, unaware that their arthritis and dementia could
one day harm themselves, other road users and restaurant and pharmacy
attendees. And as of late, most elderly have turned to mobility scooters as
their desired method of transportation.
The problem with this is that the elderly
have only been trained for road use with the assistance of traffic cones and a
licensed driving instructor with a pornstar moustache back in their younger
days – this means that over time, their skills have been watered down by age
and weakness; however, those two concoctions are not the only dangers to the
younger members of public. The true danger lies in the fact that now elderly
are allowed to own and drive mobility scooters wherever they damn well please.
For years I have grown to accept the fact
that elderly people have the opportunity to drive the coolest vehicles ever.
Equipped with multiple storage spaces and their very own cupholder, the
mobility scooter is rather awesome. Boasting a comfortable leather chair and a
fancy chrome coloured basket on the front of it, the mobility scooter allows
elderly to move around in flashy speeds that beat both the tortoise and the
hare, without the need for a helmet. And I have grown to accept it. I have
grown to allow elderly to enjoy their final minutes on earth zipping around on
the coolest mode of transportation, that allows them to go anywhere from
hogging the sidewalk to shopping centres.
But today, I want to retract my acceptance
of allowing the elderly to wheel themselves around electronically. I want them
to be cognitively tested whilst driving one and I want all those who fail to
purchase a donkey and roam around the earth in a Greek manner. Because today, I
almost was run down by a crazy old man on a mobility scooter. Today, I could
have lost my life just because I gave permission for the elderly to flaunt
their watered down driving skills on modern day technology. How could I have
let someone who has no ability to roam the internet, to take the steering wheel
of a complex vehicle that is capable of slow but sure consequences? Today, I
could have had ‘run over by a mobility scooter in a shopping centre’ engraved
in my tombstone, for all onlookers to see.
Today I watched the two electronic shopping
centre entrance doors slide open, and just as I was about to enter through them
an elderly man with a deathly stare charged right toward me, increasing his
mobility scooter’s speed as his chin pressed into his chest and his brows
frowned. For a second my world was slowed down, as I stared in disbelief at the
man who would not slow down. Would he dare to attempt to run me over? He
totally would.
On I walked, expecting him to wait until my
accompaniments and I had passed through the doors, seeing as we were there far
before he could reach the door, alas we were halted because this psychopathic
man would not stop. I barely made it out of the way as his red speeding machine
of gloom, racing at around eight kilometres per hour, almost sliced me into
two. After exclaiming “goodness me, calm down!” I looked behind me at the man
who almost took my life. And he did not bother looking back. Instead, he
insisted on full speed ahead and sped off to play bingo.
Strangers in my proximity looked in
disbelief. It could have been their child, in front of that lethal cherry-red
hood with the chrome basket. Lo and behold, this crazy man is still out there
on our streets, ready to plow through a freshly grown troop of innocent
mushrooms, or a pile of freshly raked leaves. I would suggest his license to be
revoked however elderly need not a license to operate a fiery machine of utter
doom. All they need is around five pension payments and they are ready to
literally roll, and spiral out of control, or at least pretend to when they
want to exit a shopping centre before defenceless people who reach the doors
first attempt to enter.
Totalling of approximately one-hundred and
thirty kilograms, mobility scooters can cause lethal damage, and may cause harm
equivalent to Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick. If it weren’t for my awesome
reflex skills and ability to see bad things before they happen, I would have
been injured. The elderly need to be re-tested or driven around in Kombi vans
by people who work in nursing homes. Walking sticks are cool, people, stick to
those.
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